VIDEO
Song: Sylvan Song
Group: Heart
About a week ago...
I had ordered my mother a child's archery set.
I wanted to teach her some important lessons...
not about archery...as one might think.
As my mother ages...
she will become more child like.
As she does...
she will tend to more and more...
not listen to me.
I knew I had to teach her a lesson using archery.
Why archery?
With archery...
as it is completely new to her...
the flight of the arrow gives direct feedback as to how you hold the bow...
and release the arrow.
If a person does exactly as told...
and when it is told...
the arrow will fly true.
If not...
it flies off target.
The arrow does not lie.
It gives immediate, and accurate, feedback that the person did, or did not...
follow the instructions exactly.
We began our trek up the hills just up the street from my mother's house...
to set up the target...and to begin the lesson.
I set up the target in a gully.
I did this to prevent my having to chase down errant arrows.
At first...
my mother hadn't listened to me.
Her draw was incorrect...
and so...
the arrows had hit the dirt...
completely missing the target.
I really am a patient man...
for the first two mistakes for the same thing :)
If a person simply does not listen by the third time...
well...a little voice just goes off in my head...
"That's strike three!"...and I do...what can only be described as...
doing the Taz :)
(Going off as the Tasmanian Devil in the cartoons of old :)
Okay...
not really that bad...
BUT...
I go into Drill Sergeant mode.
I raise my voice and simply say...okay...yell...
"LISTEN TO ME!".
(For those who think that the greatest sin is the open disrespect
of a parent or child by yelling at him/her...
I say...to ignore a person's faults, of which can lead to
a potentially undesirable or harmful situation in the long run...
is abandonment.
It is the neglect of someone when they need leadership...
that is truly disrespectful.
This is where so many parents fail their children...
and why there are so many spoiled children in universities...
and else where, today.
They are still children...because of their arrogance.
I explain at the end of the article).
So...
I show the person again...
and this usually gets positive results.
My mother started listening.
This was her first positive result.
I then worked on her release follow through.
And...
because she had listened...
She had gotten better results.
As she had started truly listening...
she had direct feedback as to the positive results from truly listening...
and faithfully applying.
Better...
but...
we weren't going to leave until she had gotten a bullseye.
I also had to work on her to keep her right eye open...
instead of her left one :)
Finally...
one bullseye...
and the other arrow nearby...close to the yellow zone.
My mother was happy.
And so...
we could go.
This is the result of truly listening...and applying.
This is something that so many people have such a hard time with...
that of...following.
This was a lesson in learning how to learn...
by truly listening, and faithfully applying.
This is the art...of following.
Once a person learns how to learn by knowing how to follow...
a psychological change comes about.
Arrogance dissipates...
as they learn that they had not known the best path.
It is arrogance which prevents true learning...
as in the mind of the arrogant...
they already know everything.
Only a person who knows that he/she doesn't know...
is one whom is ready to truly learn.
They then learn the essence of following...
truly listening and faithfully applying.
And...
it is through truly following that a person is primed to truly learn.
So...
was this a lesson in how to put an arrow on target?
No...
it was a lesson in following.
How so?
By making the person accountable through the direct feedback of the arrow...
and not to another person...
they know they cannot blame anyone else for their failures...
only themselves.
This unmasks arrogance...
as the arrow does not lie.
Only when they begin to truly listen...
does the arrow fly true.
The mind controls the body...
and the body controls the flight of the arrow.
This is direct, immediate, and positive reinforcement...
of a positive change of mind...
as evidenced by the flight of the arrow.
My mother had a good day...
learning how to learn through truly listening and faithfully applying (following)...
through archery.
On our walk back...
I asked her rhetorically...
"So, shame on me for yelling at you?"...
I then said...
"No, shame on you for making me yell."
I then told her that she was not listening to me.
I have carefully lain out certain principles and procedures for her
to faithfully follow, so that she is safe...
and so she can remain independent and happy.
My mother already knows that I do not compromise on issues of safety.
As she is aging...
she is forgetting more and more.
She has even been blaming other things for her own forgetfulness.
This is arrogance...
and I simply cannot ignore it when it can lead to dangerous circumstances.
She had recently begun to not listen to me about issues which
could lead to grievous bodily injury, or may lead to her death, should she not listen.
I have made a very strict requirement for her to not cook when I am not there...
as well as ensuring that there are no trip hazards, or food which may be spoiled.
So...
as I had explained to her at her home...
I blame her for not faithfully following the procedures
which are designed to keep her safe.
(Of course, as she gets to the point where she cannot
follow due to neurological changes in her brain...
she will then be blameless...and I will no longer go drill sergeant).
So...
what was this whole archery thing all about?
It was applied behavioral / cognitive therapy.
How so?
By having the flight of an arrow demonstrate...
through direct and immediate positive feedback...
the negative result of not truly listening...
and then the directly following and contrasting
positive path of truly listening and faithfully applying
(learning how to follow)...
and generalizing the negative results to her past behavior...
and then contrasting and generalizing it to a new path of behavior...
and the expected positive results which would then follow...
I hope for her to realize how she needs to truly follow my
carefully laid out procedures to ensure her safety and happiness.
I also positively reinforce her faithfully following me
by treating her to an occasional night out at her favorite restaurant.
Do I really expect her to change completely and immediately?
No.
However...
she will follow more so now.
Plus...
I may use this as an example to counter any argument to the contrary.
So...
knowing my plan from the beginning was dependent upon my mother
initially missing the target, and so, having something to learn...
what is it that I would have done had she made a bullseye from the beginning?
Why...
I would have simply moved the target farther out until she had failed :)
So...
why not just let her do as she pleases...
to allow her to "be happy"...
to live and let live?
Because true happiness is not the result of doing as one pleases...
regardless of the results.
This is the path of a spoiled child.
A spoiled child lives in a constant state of agitation and disappointment...
unless he/she is enjoying a short term pleasure...
and even that gets boring in a short period of time.
True happiness is the result of achieving...
of striving and accomplishing.
It is the spirit of growth and adventure
which leads to a state of inner peace and happiness.
Also...
without safety from harm...
there can be no true peace of mind.
But...
why need I go drill sergeant?
I needn't...
if the person truly follows in the first place.
To not do the necessary...
as made necessary by the arrogance of the other person
in not truly listening and faithfully applying...
is neglect.
This is to not truly care about the other person.
To only go to a certain point...
to only desert them when they do not listen...
is not what family does for family...
unless it is when they need full time care
in a dedicated facility designed to cater to their specialized needs...
and when it then becomes a matter of truly caring to have them there.
When the result is not only happiness...
but a greater potential for long term happiness...
and all other lower attempts have been made...
the real question then becomes ...
Why wouldn't someone invest their time and energy...
and even experience so much frustration...
to have to yell at times...
when they truly care about the other person...
and the results are positive...
and leads to greater happiness in the end?
If there is any question as to whether my mother appreciated
me going drill sergeant...
look at the child like happiness in her face...
even on the walk back.
She knows that I care enough to yell when necessary...
to ensure she may be on the correct path to long term happiness.
So...
this whole article was...
in fact...
about aging and living well.
A slipping memory is an almost natural state of affairs in the elderly.
Mitigating that state through proper procedures...
ensuring the elderly may stay independent...
to enjoy life by living it safely...
and to get them out to enjoy the outdoors...
or the occasional night out...
to have them explore with the spirit of adventure...
is all about aging and living well.
To pretend that it doesn't exist...
is a path to failure.
Take a look again.
The below picture is the child like happiness of growth and accomplishment.
This is living life well.
