Masae Toller: Feb 2 1939 - Jan 10 2025

 

Song:  Melody For A New Dawn

Artist:  Yuki Saori

My mother passed away on January 10 2025.

She was born on February 2 1939 in Chamus, Manchuria

(During the Japanese Occupation - she was 100% Japanese).

I had last seen her in the middle of September 2024...

just before departing to my new home in Colorado.

I knew when I left, that in all likelihood...

 it would be my final goodbye to her.

She had suffered from dementia for many years...

and I had seen her degrade in mental and physical capabilities over the years.

However...

those last years were precious to her...

as I took care of her by cooking for her and taking her places

once she moved to Reno, Nevada in 2015. where I lived.

Before that...

my younger sister looked after her at her home in San Jose, California...

and my elder sister also stopped in to care for her as well...

as both lived in the immediate area.

(my father died in March of 2011).

Once my mother moved up to my neighborhood in Reno, Nevada...

I went to her home and cooked supper for her and made leftovers for the next day.

However...

as she continued to degrade...

I saw the necessity to move in with her to care for her on a permanent basis.

During this time...

I continued to get her to exercise, eat a healthful diet...

and to engage in beautiful experiences so as to enjoy life.

Of course...

I had researched as much as I could about her condition.

I knew the basic timeline associated with her affliction...

and of the symptoms which would present themselves along the way.

A little while later...

after my sisters retired...

they moved to Reno, Nevada

to share in my mother's caring.

This made my mother happy...

as she had her family near her.

My elder sister's husband, James...

was also a big help in caring for my mother.

She knew him as "walking man" as he was the one who helped her walk around

their home and when we transferred her to the car from her home.

We would ultimately care for my mother in each of their respective homes...

as to stimulate her mind and to give each of us well needed breaks...

as she required almost constant attention to ensure her safety.

As my sisters and I were retired...

we could be there for her in her time of need.

My mother's final years were filled with happiness...

and except for the near end...

she often laughed and enjoyed food.

By the time I left almost four months ago...

my mother did not recognize me.

As I kissed her forehead just before departing to Colorado...

I saw she felt a little embarrassed and confused...

as if to inwardly wonder why a stranger had kissed her.

I was at home in Colorado when my sisters contacted me that my mother

seemed to be shutting down.

We all knew that it was near the end.

As it was snowing throughout the over thousand miles I would have had to have driven...

it would have been too dangerous for me to drive that distance.

And so...

my sisters arranged for hospice to visit to ensure she was kept hydrated

and comfortable as she continued to shut down.

Just a few days after...

my mother had passed peacefully in my elder sister's bed.

Both of my sisters were in attendance...

and for several days until the final moment...

my sisters read to her and played soft music for her to listen to.

It was actually a serene and merciful death for her.

Near the end...

she was comfortable and surrounded with love.

She was neither scared...

nor was she in pain.

Some of the music my sisters played for my mother as she rested in bed...

was the music of Yuki Saori.

This was one of my mother's favorite music in the late 1960s...

and she often played her albums at home.

---------------

As for me...

I have had many years of knowing the eventual end.

My sisters and I have been slowly grieving all this time.

It was especially sad to see her go through phases of confusion...

of not recognizing us at times...and of it becoming more and more frequent.

During the last couple of years...

she would mostly be operating at a toddler age...

and then at the stage of an infant.

So...

in essence...

we had not only lost a mother...

but that of a daughter.

I am only glad that we had the chance to care for her

throughout her transition.

She never felt alone or scared during her last ten years of her life...

especially as her mental state declined.

I know that not all are in the position in life to do 

what my sisters and I had done for her...

but if at all possible...

the spending of time with your loved ones is the most valuable of times.

There is such a thing as too late in life.

Merely showing up at a funeral is not demonstrative of love or respect.

Being there with them in life is.

--------------

This is a video compilation of my mother enjoying her home.

I had asked her what she wanted most in life when she first moved to Reno.

She had said she wanted her dream home.

I made sure she got it...

and it was where she lived most of her last years...

in comfort and in happiness.

This was of my mother just a year ago.

-------------

And so...

this article is the last for this blog.

All of the articles I had written in this blog still hold value

for all senior citizens.

In fact...

it was because of the basic way of living that my mother could enjoy 

so many more years of happiness than she otherwise would have.

She had lived far longer...

especially in a state of relative physical and mental health...

until the final few months...

than she would have in any facility.

Again...

I do understand that most are simply not in the position of freedom

to care for their aging parents...

and so...

I am not talking from afar and above.

Just know that the healthful way of living I had chronicled 

in this blog had worked wonders for my mother...

and so...

is a valid way of living for all senior citizens...

and is especially valuable to prevent an early degradation

of body and mind for all.

-------------

We all must die.

Our ultimate goal is to die as healthy as possible...

to have as much quality of life until the end...

and to experience as many magical memories in life as possible before then.